Absence Makes the Heart Grow Stronger
There will come a time in your marriage where you will spend time apart, whether from business, a job, family, etc. Although no one likes to be apart from the one's they love, it can be a time to grow closer and stronger.
Being apart is a little easier if it required, such as the military, job rotation, etc. Choosing to be apart should be a mutual decision that is well thought out and discussed. Otherwise you can end up resentful and angry at your spouse for leaving. Also try to iron out all the little details before leaving. Neither spouse should have to worry about cleaning the gutters or what to do if the car breaks. Have a plan.
Trust is an issue that should have been dealt with early in a relationship. If there is any lack of trust, now is one of the times it will become apparent. Resolve the trust issue before being apart. Otherwise, you will spend the entire duration wondering what your spouse is doing. Trust is what keeps you sane while you’re apart.
Enjoy your time apart. This is a great time to take up a new hobby, join a new gym class, etc. No fighting over the remote or who used the toilet paper without replacing the roll. Enjoy your independence. You can watch whatever you want and you get the whole bed to yourself. Try something new. Pretend it’s a vacation
Have a support group. Call up your friends, join a group at church, or visit your parents. It doesn't matter what you do or where you go, but you should get out of the house for a while. Staying busy is a good way to make time go by faster. The socializing will keep you from being lonely, angry, or depressed.
Try to visit each other if possible. Try not to go more than 3 or 4 weeks without seeing each other. Just being together in person for a brief time can make you feel more connected. It also makes the separation seem shorter. If you will be separated for a long period of time, try to see each other every 3 to 6 months.
Communication becomes very important. If you don't talk or communicate with each other in some way, then you have no contact. People can say things in letters that they would never say in person. Communication has been made easier with cell phones, email, instant messaging, the internet and a webcam. It's now possible to see each other and carry on a conversation. Send lots of emails. Play a game together online. Don't just talk about grocery shopping or what’s on TV. Be affectionate and maybe a little frisky. Don't lose the lighter side of your relationship. It helps remind you why you’re together.
Save your conversations. Try to keep all of the letters that your spouse sends; print all of the emails and instant messages you receive. Whenever you feel distant or lonely reread all the correspondence. It will make you feel closer and remind you how much you are loved.
Extended Separation for six months or more is like dealing with a loss of a loved one.. First you grieve. You spend a few weeks asking why its happening, feeling sorry for yourself, and maybe crying and feeling depressed. It's alright. This is pretty normal; you've just lost someone you love. Just try to remember you haven't lost them forever. Second you start coping. You get used to waking up in bed alone. You stop setting the table for one less. You don't buy your spouse candy at the drugstore. Your managing one day at a time. Last comes living. You are now used to being apart. It has become second nature. You've survived.
Becoming one again sounds like it shouldn't be to hard. You've probably spent a good deal of your time apart thinking and talking about it. But it isn't always that easy. During the time you've spent apart you've changed. You may have taken up new hobbies or started eating new foods. The first month or two back together can be rough. You enjoy being together but you also enjoy the independence that you had while apart. It can be a bit of a struggle to re-establish the relationship that you had before.
Just remember you've gone through one of the more difficult times in your marriage. The next time a problem comes up remind yourself that if you handled this, everything else should be a little easier.
